Monday, January 08, 2007

Reaching out
Feeling him beside me
Curling up against him
Not wanting to let go...

Then the dreaded alarm
The clock changing to the hour
Aimlessing grasping at the air desperate to make it stop
Just 5 more minutes

Roll over
Half awake
Looking over
He is still sleeping
So soundly
Can't disturb him
Get up slowly, quietly
Tiptoe to the shower
Silently dress
Look out the window
Still dark
So hard to leave
Kiss him goodbye

Sunday, January 07, 2007

New Year Cleaning?

I went to lunch the other day with 4 of my girlfriends. We ate, talked about the holidays, how much we are enjoying our time off (we are all teachers) and what we have been doing with our time. Out of the 5 of us, 4 of us have gone cleaning crazy and cleaned out all of the closets in our houses!!! What's up with that? Is there some kind of inner instinct about the winter that tells us to dig through our unorganized closets and purge? Weird.

Now, I didn't clean out all of the closets in my house. Just the main ones. Our bedroom, our bathroom linen closet, and the pantry closet in the kitchen. This still, however, took several days and I still don't have a solution for all of my shoes! Right now they sit in clear shoe boxes or in the original boxes on the top shelf in the closet, which, of course, I can't really reach. There must be a better solution than climbing up on a stool every morning! Anyway, just found that odd. Nothing says 'Early Bird' like Spring cleaning in January!!!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Multi-tasking Mania

I have been house cleaning, closet emptying, scrapbook crafting, Rachel Ray cooking, dog walking, lesson plan typing, trying to catch up on my by-the-bed reading, birthday celebrating, holiday decorating, Christmas shopping, Christmas returning, camera downloading, movie watching, and hubby loving since...Thanksgiving, I think.

Yeah, I think that's when it all went down. Leave it to the hoidays to bring such joy all while sucking the LIFE out of you!!!

Hope everyone is doing well. I'm certainly ready for things to settle down and return to normal here. I had been doing pretty well with going to the gym~had even lost almost 10 pounds even~ before the holidays started. Anyway, bygones~

Here's to a new year! A year hopefully filled with lots of motivation, communication, and prozac-poppin' medication!!! :)

No, really, 2007 is going to be great! My puppy is officially house trained, my house is finally finished and feels lived in and cozy, my little sister is engaged, my job is freakin' fantastic (what a turn around, people!) and my husband is still as perfect as ever! Life is good!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Got Tissue???

Can you believe that??? Z got the perfect shot of this sea lion sneezing at the aquarium the last time we went. It makes me laugh every time! Why did I post it (besides entertainment value for me, of course)? Because it also makes me think of the thousands of people who are talking my head off about flu season!!!

You just can't hide from it! It's on the news, my favorite morning radio shows, even in my fitness magazine! I know, I know. It sucks to get it and all that. But don't we know that already? Don't we already know how to stay healthy during the cold season? Oh, well. *sigh*

Z got his shot the other day at work. For free. Isn't nice to work for a company that not only pays for it, but also sends someone TO THE OFFICE to administer them!!! I, on the other hand, in the profession that is ranked #1 for catching the flu (I saw that in Real Simple mag today) have to go out on your own and pay for the shot. Sure, the county set up a nurse at one of the admin bldgs on our workday. All of the employees of 38 elem schools, 19 middle schools, and 20-something high schools were all supposed to drop everything (meaning the meeting that they MADE us attend that day) to go stand in line for the flu shot and pay $20 cash for it. Whatever. Still haven't gotten it...

So, how many of you have already gotten YOUR flu shot???

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

It's been a while...

Thought I should write something. Pretty pathetic that I haven't done so since...September! Damn, that's a long time! I still try to visit other blogs and catch up, but now I'm so far behind that I just feel lost! I was just on Mimi's blog and she posted about having the blogging blahs. I also visited Pixie and she kind of said the same. I am~ making a go of it!

Categories of my life in a nutshell:

Home: The house is FINALLY finished! All walls are painted, windows scraped and even some plant life out in the backyard! YAY!

Hubby: doing great. traveling alot. which is cool for him. not so much for me as of yet. i still get a little freaked out sleeping/staying/being in this house alone. It's old ('69) and it has a lot of 'settling' to do I am told...

Puppy: she is getting so big! She weighs 35lbs now! do you remember when she just weighed in at 12?!!! she is as sweet as ever. she has made lots of puppy friends over at the dog park. though, we are having a slight problem. she's so adorable that all of those boy dogs won't leave her alone! they chase her around trying to hump her! so glad she's 'fixed'/

Work: after all of that stress over this school year, I am ABSOLUTELY LOVING kindergarten! they are SO adorable and just plain fun! I laugh all day~ which is totally awesome!

Friends: the 2 k's are both pregnant (which I may have already mentioned). One found out today that she is having a boy and the other found out monday that it is official that she is pregnant. 9 weeks. Yeah, she started telling people a week after her missed period. I thought that was a little risky, but I guess it worked out for her! Peach is still dating and telling me the most hilarious stories! I'm having fun living the 'single life' through her!!!

Hobbies: haven't read any earth-shattering-good books a lot of 'work' books (yuck!). Finally got my desk in our home office set up for scrapbooking. :) I have a lot to do! According to my scrapbooks, Z and I are still on our...3rd date??? Yeah, we celebrated our first wedding anniversary this summer!!! oh, and I started at a gym a couple of weeks ago. I've lost 5 lbs so far!!! Yay! :)

so, that's what's up with me! hope everyone out there is doing great! loving the cooler weather and gearing up for the impending holidays that the stores WILL NOT let us forget are on the way!!!

Monday, September 18, 2006

Window Seat

I have always loved the rain. Storms, even better. Thunder and lightning~ bring it on. I enjoy sitting by the window and watching it come down. It has a calming effect on me. Makes me nostalgic....

I remember as a little girl that I always wanted a window seat in my room; instead I put my trunk in front of it. My own little window seat. I wanted to sit and watch the world outside change as the rain came down. I would just sit and watch the beads of water drip down my window and puddle on the sill outside. I would watch leaves float by in little streams of water. I would watch my outside toys get 'washed'. The colors always seemed so much more vivid during and after a rainstorm.

Years later my interest in storms became a fascination. I wanted to know all I could about weather. I paid so much attention in science class. I watched every natural disaster movie there was out to watch. I couldn't get enough; couldn't tear my eyes away. It was always like knowing something bad was going to happen, but you just can't turn away. Kinda like that car accident on the side of the road. you know the one. The one that holds up traffic for miles because everyone wants to 'see' it. Is that just a natural reaction? Anyway, 'weather girl' was on my list of things I wanted to be. right up there with the usual: doctor, nurse, movie star, model, the list goes on and on....

Even now, as I sit here typing, the rain is beating on my windows. I turn off the overhead light and switch on the lamp. It feels cozy. The wind is blowing falling leaves past my window. I love that fall is finally here and the leaves are giving into the blowing wind. I even like the sound of the water splashing as cars drive by outside. The streetlight sends an orange glow my way. The raindrops are illumiated. It's beautiful, really. yucky to be out in, but great to watch from inside.

I still watch the rain... but now, I watch it from my very own window seat.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Nope, not me

As a little girl, I dreamed of my wedding day. An outdoor summer wedding with a cool breeze in the air making the flowers in my hair blow as if they wanted free. A candle lit ceremony with a small group of friends and family. Simple flowers. Soothing music. A magical event I'm sure every little girl dreams of.

As I got a little older, with the wedding day dream still in the back of my mind, I began to date. Being the romantic that I was, I thought every (ok, not every) boy was 'the one.' I watched a lot of movies. I thought I knew what I was doing and what should be happening. Every boy was special and every relationship taught me a lesson. See, I was one of those girls who had a few serious boyfriends rather than a lot of boys I just went out with a few times. I learned a lot by the time I got to college.

In college, while friends were getting engaged all around me, I came to realize that I was looking for the wrong guy. I was looking for the guy to match the 'college me'. The me that thought I was supposed to be. The 'typical' college girl~ going out every night, hanging out at the frat houses, drinking and clubbing. I thought that was who I was looking for and I looked for that guy, everywhere. Luckily I figured that out sooner than later.

As I was finishing up grad school and making my big move to a big city in a new state, my boyfriend of 2 years or so began hinting about proposing. I got scared. It was what I always wanted, right? To be married and have that dream wedding? Nope, not me. He wasn't the one. It just didn't feel right. I broke things off with him and moved away.

I felt like such a failure for a while. I felt like I was supposed to leave college with a ring on my finger and shopping for the perfect white gown. I always thought that I would have my 2 children, dog, wonderful husband, and quaint home by the time I was 30. Who makes up these 'visions' for themselves?

I feel now that I have set myself up for disappointment. I am 27. I will be 28 at the end of the year. Don't get me wrong~ I have a great life and I couldn't be more pleased with the way it has turned out. I have everything I always wanted...I have my wonderful husband, my cute puppy, and my quaint home. But no children...

Three girls at work are pregnant and 3 more are trying to be. Nope, not me. I'm not one of them. I'm not ready. I'm secretly scared to death.

I am truly excited for them. I'm hosting baby showers and purchasing gifts and helping decorate nurseries. I am watching their bellies grow and hearing their stories of morning sickness and cravings and how their clothes don't fit anymore. I'm hearing about baby names and baby clothes and the benefits of breast feeding. It is all so fun and so, well, overwhelming.

I'm not real sure what exactly I'm so afraid of. I just know that it doesn't feel right for me right now. And I'm okay with that.

I think.

Maybe not.

I feel like I should be ready.

Isn't it time?

Don't I want to experience that maternal bond with a baby that is growing inside of me that will forever represent the best of Z and me?

Don't I want to hear my baby laugh and hear my baby say it's first words?

Don't I want to bathe my baby and sing it to sleep at night?

Don't I want to see my baby grow to be a wonderful person that we will always be proud of?

Everyone at work has baby fever. It's everywhere. There are 7 of us that are young and happily married. 3 are pregnant and 3 are trying. That leaves me.

I am constantly getting asked, "So when will it be your turn? When will we be planning your baby shower?" I laugh and reply "Not anytime soon...I'm not ready yet". Then the big one hits. "What are you waiting for?" I reply, somberly, "I don't know."